


Things Are Rough All Over

by heavenlygold, scarheadedferret



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: 50's era, Alternate Universe - Muggle, M/M, based on The Outsiders a bit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-06 17:00:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14061402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenlygold/pseuds/heavenlygold, https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarheadedferret/pseuds/scarheadedferret
Summary: Things are rough all over, for Sirius Black that is, but when he saves a member of his family's rival gang, everything changes.





	1. Chapter 1

_ Fuck. Fuck. Shit, fuck. _

He couldn’t watch another jumping, he couldn’t. The kid looked around his age and hadn’t even done anything, his only mistake was wearing that jacket in their part of town. 

 

“Reg, mate please, stop,” Sirius tried to pull his brother’s arm back but was a futile attempt.

“What, have you gone soft now, Black?” sneered his cousin Bellatrix. She smiled deviantly as Regulus landed a particular punch that made the kid’s nose start to bleed. Sirius winced at the sight. 

 

“You deserve this, you little shit. Thinking you can walk in our territory,” Malfoy grinned as he kicked his stomach. Sirius couldn’t take it, he threw himself over the kid, preventing his gang’s tyrade. 

  
“Get out of the way, Sirius,” Regulus growled. Sirius stayed put holding his arms out defensively over the kid. 

  
“You’ve done enough,” Sirius glared up at Regulus defensively. The two glared at each other for a moment before Regulus pulled back his fist and punched Sirius, hard. The boy staggered back, still glaring at his brother. 

 

“Fuck you, Reg,” 

  
“Same to you, brother mine, or so you keep forgetting,” Regulus knew that Sirius hated being apart of their fucked up family, Sirius wanted nothing more than to kill his brother right then and there. He hated him and his parent more than anything, but had to stay with them due to being not of age. 

 

“Huh, where do you think you’re going, cunt,” Bellatrix snarled when the kid attempted to leave. 

 

“Let him leave, how much more time do you need to waste beating up 16 years olds, Bella? Is it some sick fantasy of yours because Rodolphus refuses to fuck you?” Sirius added mockingly, Bellatrix leapt forward.

 

“Don’t think I won’t tell your little mumsy about this, Black. How does it feel to be that much of a disappointment?” 

 

“As if I care what they think, they can-”

 

“Sirius,” Regulus said warningly. Sirius gave one last glare before pushing away his brother and going to the kid. Before anyone else could do anything he hoisted him up and dragged him away. 

 

He knew that they wouldn’t come after him now, it wasn’t worth it. Once he and the other boy were at a safe distance, he gently sat him on the floor and sat down in front of him. 

 

“You alright?” Sirius asked. He pulled out a small kit from his bag and taking a small cloth, he began to wipe away the blood on his face. Christ, even after getting jumped, he was beautiful. He had curly brown hair that was hidden behind a dirt-covered beanie. His eyes were a golden brown and he had a splash of freckles dusted on his cheeks and nose. 

 

“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” he snarled. Sirius was a bit taken back by the tone, considering he had prevented the kid being roughed up even further.

 

“Um, saving your arse, do I even get a thank you?” 

 

“Why?”

 

“You saw my family, they’re shits”   
  


The kid shrugged and tried to stand up, wincing at the pain in his back. “You can barely walk, let me help you, it’s the least I can do.”

  
“I, er- ok?” the kid limped over to Sirius. He looped an arm around his shoulders and hoisted the kid up so that he was leaning on Sirius. The kid relaxed a bit once the pressure was off his foot. He was a bit taller than Sirius, and smelled faintly of ink and tea. He wore a jean jacket with  **‘The Marauders’** printed on the back, and a wool jumper underneath that, paired with trousers that were a bit short on him. Curly brown strands peaked out from a black beanie, that was now dirt covered and stepped on. 

 

“My place is over this way,” Sirius began to walk with the kid in the direction he had pointed in. 

 

“You got a name?” Sirius asked. He thought it was time for him to stop referring to him as ‘the kid’.   
  


“Yeah,” he said, 

 

“I’m Sirius,” he responded, almost sticking out his free hand on impulse, but managed to hold back.

 

“Oh, like the star?”

 

“Yeah,” They remained quiet for the better part of the walk. With Remus’s directions they eventually reached a small house. There were two people on the porch, Sirius was thankful that it was dark and that they would most likely not be able to see his gang jacket from there. 

 

“Thanks, for the help you know. I still don’t know why you did that though,” Remus said, stopping before they reached the gate.

 

“Like I said, my family are shits, I can’t stand the way the hurt people as if it’s nothing. God knows they’ve hurt me enough,”

  
“Er, sorry about that, I shouldn’t have gone into your lot’s part of town anway,”   
  
“No, trust me, they’re just that shitty,” Remus laughed and Sirius thought he liked that sound. He watched as Remus walked up to the porch and was greeted by the two other boys. Running a hand through his long black strands, Sirius turned and walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus glared at his reflection, the ugly bruises blooming on his face like flowers in spring. He trailed his finger down a pink scar on his jaw from his previous jumping. Thankfully Sirius had intervened before the Pureblood managed to use his knife.

Scars littered his face, some deep gashes, others small and delicate. Either way they were scars and each and every one of them held a painful memory. Each scar was like a small box and when opened, memories would tumble out.

Opening the boxes was easy but closing them was hard.  

Remus gingerly applied some cream to his face. Deep down he knew the cream would do nothing but he needed something to tether him to reality. Just some mundane action to keep the bad thoughts away.

“I look like shit,” he announced to his reflection before turning around and walking out of the bathroom, wincing as pain shot through his entire body.

He gently laid himself onto his bed and frowned to himself, thinking about Sirius.

_Who is Sirius?_

_Why did he help me?_

_Will I see him again?_

Remus hurt all over as he attempted to roll onto his side. After two unsuccessful attempts Remus decided to get out of bed. He opened his bedroom window, savouring the cool breeze that was not enough to make Remus cold, enough for the curtains to move slightly, almost like ghosts.

He clambered out the window but along the way managed to smack his forehead off the window frame. Rubbing his newly received injury Remus sat on his roof, looking up to admire the stars.

Remus would do this often, to feel the stress and anxiety slowly trickle away as he was absorbed into a feeling of calmness.

Each constellation held a special place in his heart. When Remus was younger he would borrow library books about constellations and stare up at the sky for hours on end. He would give constellations their own special tale and imagine millions of short stories. He never told anybody about them, he wouldn’t write anything down either. The stars were his secrets and he didn’t intend on sharing his secret anytime soon.

Remus’s mind wandered back to Sirius. Sirius with his grey eyes and shoulder length hair. Sirius looked like every other Pureblood. Snarky yet murderous, one wrong move and you were screwed. Sirius obviously wore the Pureblood jacket but Remus could vaguely remember the t-shirt he was wearing underneath.

Sirius seemed like a peculiar character, he was part of the infamous Pureblood gang yet he somehow decided to help Remus.

Remus hated being the weakling, constantly in need of protection and having someone like Sirius pity him so much to the point of saving him made Remus want to curl up in shame.

Suddenly Remus heard voices coming from down the road. He recognised those voices almost instantaneously, it was James and Peter.

They waved their arms at Remus and both of them held bottles of whiskey. Remus hated the taste of whiskey but at that moment he wanted nothing more than to drown his sorrows in alcohol.

“Oi Rem, we decided that we’d pop by,” James called as he stood in front of the porch, grinning like a maniac. “Didn’t we Peter?” James added as he jostled Peter’s arms.

“For fuck’s sake, Jamie, you nearly made me spill my drink!” Peter growled angrily before giving Remus a half-hearted wave.

“During this time of the night? Are you insane?” Remus asked looking down at Peter and James.

“Well we know that poor baby Jamie is pretty insane right now because before seeing you we went to Evan’s house and she screamed bloody murder so we ran for it” Peter said laughing while James spluttered and put his arms up in mock-defence.

“Peter! I thought you promised not to tell Rem about this!”

“But it was a great opportunity for a joke!” Peter retorted as he closed the lid on the whiskey bottle and threw it up to Remus who caught, albeit clumsily.

“You’re such an asshole,” James groaned as he took another swig of his drink

“Well at least I didn’t go confess my undying love to Evans!”

“Very fucking funny,”

“Yes I am very funny,” Peter said dryly as he tried to climb the tree next to Remus’s house. After three failed attempts James gave in and gave Peter a boost after he threw his bottle up to Remus.

When Peter and James finally joined Remus on the roof, Remus informed them about his recent jumping.

“That makes sense why your face looks like shit,” Peter announced as he took an extra long sip from his bottle.

“Wormtail-” James began but Peter interrupted him before he could continue.

“I told you, Potter! Stop.Calling.Me.Wormtail!”

“But it suits you, Wormy, those whiskers on your lip makes paired with your beautiful sticky-out teeth make you look the spitting image of a rat!” James said laughing to himself.

“It does not! Rem, tell James that he is wrong!” Peter said while glaring at James.

Remus just sighed and took a sip of whiskey as James and Peter bickered and pushed each other around like children fighting over toys. The alcohol burned inside of him like fire and it made him feel alive. He made a promise to himself, he was not going to get jumped again, or at least he was not going to get jumped that week.


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius opened the latch on his window, slowly sliding up the frame as to not make any noise. Creeping into his room he closed the window and flopped onto his bed.

“Thought you’d be joining us sometime soon,” a voice drawled from across the room. Sirius jolted up at the sound of his mother’s voice.

“Hey mum!” Sirius said with a mock grin. His mother flicked on the light and stalked over to the bed.

“Did you honestly think you could get away with doing something so humiliating? You looked like a fool!” Sirius’s face darkened after learning that his brother had told.

“Oi, Regulus, went and cried to mummy did you?” The door creaked open slightly and his brother stepped inside.

“Fuck off Sirius, I’m not the disappointment here, you are,” Sirius glared at his brother.

“Just get the fuck out,” Sirius mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

“I think you’re forgetting who owns this house, Sirius,” Walburga took a step towards him and raised her hand. Hot pain seared through his cheek, blood spilling from wear the skin broke. It was unlucky for Sirius that she had decided to use her right hand, the one with her ring on.

Sirius stood his ground, panting heavy as she struck again, on the other side of his face. He didn’t even realize he was on the ground until he saw Regulus’s boot retreat from where it had landed a kick to his stomach. Groaning, he curled into himself on the floor, not willing to push himself to get up and go to the bed.

Once the door closed he counted to ten and relaxed. He stood up slowly and walked into his en suite. Bracing his hands on the sink, he stared at himself in the mirror, faintly running his fingers over the new bruises he had acquired. When he had cleaned himself up, he changed into a soft t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. Sirius slipped under his covers and tried to take his mind off of his current situation.

Something good. Remus. He thought about the cute boy he had saved from his brother. Hell, he’s probably straight. Sirius thought. He thought about the way his hair curled out from his beanie. The soft golden-brown eyes and the splash of freckles that dotted the space just below his eyes and his nose. How he looked like someone soft in his jumper and converse, but was quick to defend himself and cursed at him. How he knew that his name was a star, and was just so shy and- Christ, I’ve fallen for a bloody Marauder.  

—

Sirius awoke to the sun streaming in through his curtains. His face was still sore from his mother’s punishment and his stomach hurt from where Regulus had kicked him. Sirius stepped out of the bed and put a Zeppelin album on the record player. As the soft hums of Tangerine played he dressed in black ripped jeans, a band tee, and a jean jacket. He didn’t want to put on the ‘Pureblood’ jacket for what he was going to do today.

He grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder, pulled on his shoes then turned off the record player. He opened the window latch and stepped out onto the tree that stood next to his bedroom window. He couldn’t face his mother this morning, he knew she would be most likely hungover, it was a Sunday after all. He climbed down the tree and hopped down onto the back lawn.

He walked to the small lot where the jumping had taken place, and retraced his steps back to Remus’s house. God, I hope they don’t kill me. Sirius stepped up and knocked on the door, he waited a couple minutes until it opened, revealing a middle eastern boy with shaggy black hair and glasses.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I need to see Remus,” the boy closed the door but Sirius stuck his foot in before it could close, “please,”

“And why the hell should I trust you?”

“You probably shouldn’t, but I need to speak to him,” The boy sighed and stuck his head back inside.

“Remus! There’s a bloke here for you!” Sirius heard the thudding of someone coming down the stairs and soon Remus’s familiar face was in the doorway.

“Oh, er- it’s you,” Remus’s eyes widened a bit and then turned to the boy. “James, this is the guy who helped me after the ‘bloods’ jumped me,” James’ expression changed and he was soon grinning at Sirius.

“Well why didn’t you say anything? You saved our Remus here, we owe you one!” Sirius chuckled a bit at James’ enthusiasm and was soon pulled into the small house. Christ what have I gotten myself into, Sirius thought, smiling. The house was loud and held more happiness in one room than Sirius had in his entire home.

There were a handful of teenagers who made up the Marauders. Remus explained that it had originally been him, James, and Pete, but other soon joined. There was Frank, Gideon and Fabian, Kingsley, Lily who was James’ girlfriend, Alice who was dating Frank, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, Caradoc, and Hestia. The house had been abandoned until James, Peter, and Remus found it and made it their ‘base’, though the three of them basically lived there. Fabian and Gideon had started a massive card game in the kitchen and everyone else was lounging in the living room.

“Why did you come, Sirius?”

“I-, I need to leave,”  

“What do you mean?”

“The Purebloods, my house, my family, everything,” Remus looked as though he were contemplating this and then looked up at Sirius.

“Ok,”


	4. Chapter 4

Remus and Sirius sat alone in Remus’s empty room. The silence was stifling as Sirius chewed on his nails, looking out the window. James had rounded the gang out of the house to go participate in a rumble but Sirius didn’t seem to want to go so Remus volunteered to stay back. **  
**

Sirius seemed almost jittery as he ruffled his hair anxiously. Remus smiled lightly as he stood up off the bed, the poor old springs making a groaning noise.

Remus contemplated starting a conversation. Their last conversation had been slow and trailed off after Sirius made no attempt to continue. Remus sat back down, this time on his chair next to his desk, so he could look at Sirius without having to awkwardly bump shoulders.

“Are you alright? You seem a bit jumpy,”

Sirius nodded, his cheeks reddening a bit. Remus smiled inwardly to himself, it was quite ironic how a figure, deemed to be the epitome of masculinity and would strike fear in the hearts of boys as he was known to be cunning and dastardly, was now sitting in his bedroom, flustered.

Remus glanced at Sirius’s eyes. They were grey, like the colour of a dark stormy sky. His eyes looked exactly like the sky during a thunderstorm, full of anger and they flickered around Remus’s room absorbing everything in sight.

The dim sunlight peeked through the curtains, making the lacy patterns reflect off Sirius’s face giving him an ethereal and dreamy look.

Remus blinked harshly, brushing away his train of thought to think of what was happening. He was taking in a pureblood.

Maybe this was some sort of master plan to screw up the Marauders even further. He needed to act cautiously until he found out what Sirius’s true motives were.

“So,” Remus began. “Why are you really here?”

Sirius raised his eyebrows at Remus.

“What?” He asked defensively, crossing his arms.

“Are you here because the purebloods sent you?” Remus retorted as he swung backwards on his chair. He tried to keep a cool demeanour but his heart was pounding and his hands started to get clammy. He quickly glanced at the door, it was open, so if things got messy he could bolt for it.

“What. In. The. Actual. Fuck. Are. You. Talking. About?” Sirius said through gritted teeth as he stood up, his hands balled in fists, probably ready to knock Remus’s head clean off.

Remus stood up, the chair falling to the wooden floor with a loud crack. Remus stood quite a bit taller than Sirius, so as long as he kept it cool, he would have the upper hand.

“I asked you, why are you really here?” Remus replied, his voice calm and eerily quiet. Remus felt as if he was a ghost, watching himself look down on Sirius. This person, whoever it was seemed to lack the compassion and understanding that Remus thought he had.

“I already told you, Lupin. I had to leave my family, the gang, I just had to leave it,”

Sirius said, slowly, as if Remus was just a simple child.

Old Remus would’ve understood but New Remus was cautious, he wasn’t going to let someone, who had been a lifelong enemy, just trot into his life like he owned it.

“Well I’ll tell you something, Black. Watch your step, think of this as a repayment, once you have somewhere else to go, we never speak on friendly terms again. Agreed?” Remus stated, mimicking Sirius’s previous tone of voice.

“Agreed,” Sirius replied coolly before abruptly spinning around and storming out.

Remus sank onto his bed, his face in his hands. Whatever friendship he had created had been shattered instantly.

                          ——–

It was probably around midnight when Sirius returned. He smelled like smoke and sex. Remus assumed he had went out either see his girlfriend or to go see a hooker. Either way it didn’t matter to Remus, or at least that what he told himself.

They sat on either ends of the large dining table like businessmen at an important dinner. Except Sirius sat at one end, cigarette in one hand, a switchblade in the other as he carved an intricate pattern onto the table.

The table was covered in paint splatters, carvings, declarations of undying love and most importantly, in the middle was a large map that Remus, Peter and James had carved out onto the table. The map showed the entire town, each house meticulously carved in. Half of the map was painted gold with what looked like paint you put on cars. The other half was painted black.

The gold half stood for the Marauder’s territory, the black half stood for The Pureblooded Serpent’s territory, or more commonly known as the Purebloods.

On the other end of the table sat Remus. Remus chewed on some stale bread he had found in the cupboard, the bread turning into a thick sludge in his mouth.

“I’m sorry for being rude before,” Sirius said suddenly. “I mean, you’re giving me a place to stay,”

Remus nodded as he struggled to swallow the bread. The bread seemed to stick to his throat like glue.

“Yes,” He replied, after finally swallowing the bread. “But remember, this is only temporary,”

“Only temporary,” Sirius echoed, almost sadly it seems to Remus.

“Only temporary,”


	5. Chapter 5

Only temporary. The words ran through Sirius’ mind. He would be kicked out as soon as Remus saw fit. Maybe he could go to his cousin Andromeda, she had married a Pakistani man, and her racist parents had forced her to leave their home. But, she was pregnant, and with her low income job, had enough on her hands.

Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He pushed away from the table and stalked out to the yard behind the house. He pulled out the small bottle of whiskey he had nicked from the kitchen.

He took a few swigs and rested his head against the wall of the house. It was dark out, and realizing that there was no one around, Sirius let himself cry. He felt like other shit. The money he made from the whore house felt heavy in his pocket, but he needed a way to pay the Marauders for taking him in.

It was the least he could do, and he needed extra cash for when he would be forced to leave. Sniffing, he wiped his face with his sleeve and took another swig from the whiskey. Hearing footsteps, he quickly stood up, wobbling a bit.

“You ok there, Black?”

“Just fine, Evans,” Sirius looked up through hooded eyes. Lily huffed.

“Come back inside, James is worried, thinks you’re gonna run away or something,” Sirius wanted to laugh at that, he knew for a fact that Remus and his friends would probably be glad if he did. He nodded his heads and followed her inside.

Remus was nowhere to be seen, but a group had huddled in the middle of the floor and was playing poker. Sirius sat down in between James and Peter, and was handed a set of cards.

“Mate, you alright? You look like hell,” Sirius waved him off and gave a smile.

“I’m fine mate, the concern is gratefully appreciated,” James chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder.

Sirius managed to win two hands in poker, and because they were only playing with cigarettes, he didn’t lose any money. It was around 2am when he went back to the small room he shared with Remus.

Sirius tugged his shirt off and left his jeans on. He flopped down onto the camp bed they had made and curled into himself. Remus’ back was turned away from him, and Sirius looked at him for a moment. I’m sorry, he wanted to say. For being a pureblood, for acting out on you, for barging in your life, for being a burden. That’s all I’ll ever be.

Sirius closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. It felt like he had just closed his eyes when he was being shaken by someone.

“Sirius, get up,” Sirius mumbled and tried to pull the blanket over his eyes. The arm shook him harder and Sirius groaned. He opened his eyes to see bright amber ones staring back at him. Remus was kneeling next to him, clad in an oversized jumper and trousers.

“Fabian and Gideon got into a fight with one of your lot. We gotta go help them,” Sirius nodded and got out of the bed. One of your lot. Sirius tried to ignore the statement and pulled on, a Jefferson Airplane tee and his jacket. He followed Remus out to several cars that were waiting to leave. He and Remus entered the last one and waited for the last of the large group to join them.

They drove to an empty lot on the border of the two gangs. Sirius could see the circle his brother’s group had formed around Gideon and Fabian.

Once the Marauders had arrived, the Purebloods backed away, but didn’t leave. Sirius stood at the back of the group, hoping not to be seen.

“Should’ve known that the dogs would come back for their pack,” Regulus stood at the front with Malfoy and Rosier on either side of him. The Purebloods laughed behind him.

“That’s the best you cunts got?” James stood opposite Regulus, the Marauders next to and behind him. “Lads, I hate to break it to you, but you’re graciously outnumbered,” James was right, Sirius noted, the Marauders had at least five more people than the Purebloods.

“You think we can’t take on a couple extra pansies?” Malfoy snarled.

“Yes that was exactly my thinking, let’s put you to the test, shall we?” James took a step forward and Sirius had to hold back a laugh when Malfoy flinched. He tried to inch closer to the center of the group, to become more hidden, but was unlucky.

“Oh my, it seems like you’ve taken a little rat hostage!” Regulus grinned maliciously. Sirius froze, he wanted to scream.

His brother, who he had on multiple occasions protected from his mother’s blows, who he read to at night when they were little and told scary stories that would distract them from the real monsters. He was now doing this, going completely against him, in every way possible.

“Sirius, what a lovely surprise!” Regulus continued, “Did you know that you were taking in a poofter when you allowed him in?” Regulus laughed, “Not just a poofter, but a whore too!” The Purebloods laughed and Sirius didn’t care if the Marauders were looking at him. He just glared at his brother.

Without thinking Sirius ran forward and tackled Regulus to the ground. He punched him again and again until Rosier shoved him off and began to beat him up. Sirius fought back, and was shocked when he saw the Marauders come to defend him. After a couple of minutes the Purebloods retreated, and Sirius stood dumbly, staring at his brother as he ran away.

Turning to face the group, Sirius ran a hand through his hair, “I’m sorry, I’ll- I’ll er be gone by tonight, just give me time to pack up,”

“Mate, what are you talking about?” Sirius looked up at Peter’s words, shocked.

“Wh- you heard my brother, I’m a shirt-lifter, and I got you guys into that fight. You can’t possibly want me in your house anymore,”

Marlene laughed, “If we kicked you out for being gay, then me and Dorcas would have to leave too,” Dorcas stepped next to her and put and arm around her waist.

“And it’s not your fault that your brother is an asshole,” Sirius couldn’t believe they were saying this. He laughed and smiled so much his jaw began to hurt.

“So, so I can stay then?”

“Hell yeah, mate you’re one of us now,” James grinned at him. Remus walked up to Sirius and put a hand on his shoulder. Sirius’ eyes widened in shock.

“You’re not a Pureblood, Sirius, I’m- I’m sorry for before,” he told Sirius quietly. To Sirius shock Remus then enveloped him into a hug, which Sirius quickly reciprocated. It was over too soon, and he missed the warmth of Remus’ touch in an instant.

They arrived back at the house sometime later, and drank in celebration over making the Purebloods run away. Sirius felt positively buzzed, and didn’t even care when Fabian pulled him into a corner and snogged him.

He laughed as he stumbled away from Fabian and tried to convince himself that it wasn’t hurt he saw in Remus’ eyes. Remus could never like you like that. Sirius reminded himself. And who can blame him?


	6. Chapter 6

Remus was tired.

He had a throbbing headache and his throat was parched. He sat up and absorbed his surroundings, he was lying on the couch of the sitting room, empty whiskey bottles lay scattered around him, with nobody in sight he slowing pulled himself off the leather couch.

He trudged up the stairs, nudging a snoring Peter out of the way before continuing his slow descent up the stairs, kicking bottles and wrappers out of the way. Remus hated the aftermath of parties, the pounding headaches, the mess and most importantly the people he had to kick out.

He rubbed his face tiredly as he opened the door to his bedroom, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to the darkness, he could vaguely see two figures in his bed.

In. his. bed.

Remus sighed as he walked carefully around the clothes thrown on the floor and yanked open the curtains, sunlight shining into the room like a spotlight on a stage. In his bed he could see Fabian and Sirius tangled together. He sighed again.

“Fabian, Sirius, you have ten minutes to get your shit together,” Remus said, as he stared out the window, looking at the bright blue sky. He pushed open the window and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, putting it into his mouth.

Fabian groaned as he stretched out lazily like a cat before Remus turned around to face the guilty culprits, blowing the smoke out the window. The room smelt like sex and booze and it made Remus feel sick, his headache was throbbing and he was tired of couples hooking fucking in his bed.

“I guess you two decided to hook up in my bedroom.” Remus said, his voice deadpan. “Again might I add, Fabian” He added pointedly.

“Hmm, Remus?” Sirius said sleepily as he leaned on one of his elbows as he blinked tiredly around the room.

“Wait, Fabian, what?”

Remus grinned, feeling the emotions seep out of him, he was just so done with Sirius’s shit. He took a drag of his cigarette before saying. “Well Sirius, you and dear old Fabian consummated in my bed,”

“Consummated?” Sirius said, looking confused at Fabian as if he lost his memory. “As in we hooked up?”

Fabian smiled tiredly as he leaned on the bedboard. “Yeah Sirius, I had a great time and-”

“That’s lovely and all,” Remus interrupted, faking a cheery smile. “But you still fucked in my bed and so you two are cleaning those sheets,”

Remus took another drag of his cigarette before stubbing it on the windowsill and walking out of his room, kicking the clothes out of the way because to be quite honest he couldn’t bother being courteous.

“By the way, Moony, I’m pretty sure Alice and Frank are in Peter’s room,” Fabian called out as Remus slammed the door behind him.

Remus frowned at himself as he picked up the empty bottles off the floor, he felt angry for some reason, he decided to blame it on his hangover as he dumped the empty bottle in a nearby wooden box, ready to be put in the bin. Listening to the glass shatter as he threw each bottle in was satisfying, as if he was was slowly lifting a heavy weight off his shoulders except the weight was still there, like a shadow or a reflection the mirror.

After throwing most of the bottles into the box Remus went down the stairs, shaking Peter away when he reached his sleeping figure. “Peter, mate, get up,” He said as he shook Peter’s shoulder.

“Wha-?” Peter slurred as he groggily swatted Remus’s arm away. “LeavemealoneMoony,”

“I’m leaving you alone now, Wormtail, just don’t vomit on the fucking stairs this time,” Remus warned as he lit his last cigarette, walking away.

Remus walked into the kitchen, scrunching his nose at the overpowering smell of stale alcohol. He opened the back door to let some fresh air as he took blew smoke into the air. His pounding headache felt like a he was being repeatedly hit in the head with a sledgehammer and after what felt like hours, Fabian and Sirius stumbled down the stairs.

“Hey,” Remus said, closing the back door as Fabian and Sirius sheepishly shuffled into the kitchen.

“Hey Rem,” Fabian replied as he grabbed a glass from the cabinet above the stove and filled it with tap water. “Sirius? Would it be grand with you if me and Remus had a chat alone?”

Sirius scuffed his shoes on the floor as he ruffled his hair, scowling slightly. “Uh yeah I need to go back and grab some stuff from my place anyway,”

“What’s wrong with him?” Remus asked once Sirius shut the door behind him.

Fabian shrugged. “Dunno, he’s been all cold this morning since you came in,”

Remus dropped his cigarette and crushed it underneath his shoe, the anger simmering inside of him.

“I think that Sirius fancies you,” Fabian announced before gulping down his glass of water. “I’m pretty sure he thought he was fucking you not me,”

“Eugh,” Remus said but on the inside he felt kind of giddy, as if he was high on emotions. “You two were in a drunken stupor so how am I supposed to believe that?”

Fabian shrugged again. “Dunno,”

Remus clenched his jaw and wished he hadn’t smoked his last cigarette. Fabian, no matter how nice he tried to be was still an infuriating brat in Remus’s eyes

He stomoed past Fabian and just before he slammed the door shut he yelled. “Don’t forget to wash my sheets you fucker!”

And so Remus walked down the street with only two things in mind. He desperately needed a smoke and he also desperately needed to see Sirius, but he wasn’t quite sure why.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more angst and some hurt/comfort :^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unrelated but happy birthday james potter!! (not mentioned in the fic lol I just thought I should say it)

Sirius hated himself. How had he been so fucking stupid? The look on Remus’ face when he saw him and Fabian made him want to bury himself in a hole and never come out. Luckily Fabian had assured him that their shag was with no feelings attached, and he could just forget about it.

He had ruined everything. Remus and him were just getting back to the small animosity they had shared in the beginning, and now he had ruined it all. But maybe Remus really wasn’t that upset by it, he didn’t like Sirius and maybe he had just invented the look on Remus’ face as a way to make himself think Remus liked him.

Or maybe Remus was disgusted that he way gay. But that couldn’t be it, he had seen Marlene and Dorcas kissing and Remus didn’t seem bothered, and he had certainly tolerated Fabian before. But what if he was just pretending? What if he didn’t wanna share a room with Sirius anymore? Shit, he was fucked.

“Remus?” Sirius knocked on their shared door and stepped in quietly when he saw a figure sitting on the windowsill.

“Good to know you washed the fucking sheets,” Remus was looking off at something in the sky, cigarette dangling from his fingers. Sirius put on a mock grin and plopped himself right next to Remus.

“Just following your orders, Moony,”

“Why do you lot call me that- ‘Moony’?”

“Well you’re always looking at the moon and stars, so- Moony” Remus shook his head with a dry laugh and took another drag. “I’m sorry,” Sirius said and Remus’ head shot up to look at him.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said, looking out at the night sky, “For doing it in your bed, for being a total shit, for being a burden, for intruding on your life. The list goes on,” Sirius added dryly. Remus said nothing but passed his cigarette quietly to Sirius. Sirius took it and closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, then blew out a puff of smoke.  

“You’re not a burden, Sirius,”

“Huh?”

“You apologized for being a burden, you’re not one. To me atleast,” Sirius took one more drag before passing the cig back to Remus. He slumped against the window sill and continued to stare at the stars, not looking at Remus.

“I can never be anything but one. I don’t deserve this, to stay here with you lot, I’m a Black, my family’s done shit that shouldn’t be forgiven,”

“Exactly, you’re  _family_  has done that shit, not  _you_. You can’t possibly blame yourself for their actions,” Sirius brought his knees up onto the sill and put his head in his arms. “You’re not them Sirius, you’re something different entirely, I’ve seen your brother and his friends beat up kids, but you didn’t, you- you saved me,” Sirius stilled, he wanted to believe that there was more to Remus’ words, but knew that he would just be lying to himself.

“I’m a whore,”

“Wh-what?” Remus asked, startled.

“I need to make money, so I have somewhere to go after here, it’s easy and I don’t really care as long as I get the cash, so there you have it, I’m a whore,”

  
‘Fabian didn’t make you-”  
  
“No, he was just a quick shag,” Sirius was surprised that  _that_  was Remus’ first thought when he revealed that he was a prostitute. 

“Sirius, you don’t have to leave here- if you don’t want to, we’re not gonna make you leave,” Sirius couldn’t believe how calm Remus was about this.

He didn’t reply, he moved over closer to Remus, and put his head on the taller boy’s shoulder. To his surprise, Remus sneaked an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. Sirius closed his eyes and breathed in the scent that was Remus: cigarettes, books, and a sweet smell he couldn’t place. It was wonderful. He turned his head and opened his eyes to see bright, amber ones staring back at him.

“I don’t deserve to be loved, Remus,” he whispered, hoping- praying that Remus wouldn’t run away. Remus just stared back at him, and before he could even comprehend it, warm lips were covering his own. Sirius leaned into the kiss and returned it desperately. Their teeth may have clashed awkwardly and they weren’t exactly comfortable on the window sill but it was still brilliant, Sirius thought.

Remus pulled back slowly and chuckled softly when Sirius let out what sounded like a whimper.

“You deserve love, Sirius. And I-, I do,”

“You-you what?”  
  
“I do, love you, and you may be an arse sometimes but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it,” Now it was Sirius’ turn to lean in for a kiss, and the two melted into one another. They managed to make their way over to the bed in between kisses. They collapsed onto it in a tangle of limbs and Sirius found himself looking down at Remus, his arms propped up on either side of his head and Remus’ hands on his waist.

“Remus, I don’t want- I don’t-”

“We don’t have to Sirius, it’s ok,” Remus whispered, tugging Sirius down so that he was lying on top of him.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered back.

“Don’t be, it’s you that I want, not your body, though that is an added plus,” Sirius snorted and curled in to Remus, burying his face into the taller one’s shoulder. He lifted his head to meet Remus’ and gazed at his face, memorizing the lines of his face and the freckles that were splashed along his nose.

“I love you too, Moony,” Sirius felt a kiss on the top of his head and smiled contently. “I won’t leave,”

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Remus woke up groggily, the sun just peeking through the curtains. Remus sighed to himself as he looked at Sirius who lay across from him with a peaceful, almost ethereal look on his face. Remus traced the pad of his thumb down the side of Sirius’s face, smiling fondly.

 

Sirius’s eyes fluttered open,

 

“Hi,” He murmured softly, his eyes drifting shut again. “How’s life going?” 

 

Remus smiled to himself. “Life’s going good,” 

 

“Tell me, how could life get any better?” Sirius replied, his eyes blinking slowly, almost lulling Remus back to sleep.

 

“Well there’s a couple things that could, for starters; this,” Remus said, his voice trailing into a soft whisper before he slowly  pressed his lips against Sirius. 

 

It was a swift kiss but it made Remus’s insides feel like it was made of melted chocolate, perhaps spiked with whiskey.

 

“Hey,” Sirius said after a small but comfortable silence, “I like kissing you a lot but morning breath isn’t the best thing in the world,” 

 

Remus rolled onto his back and laughed.

 

“Guess you’re right about that,”

 

“Hey,” Sirius said again as he shifted over to Remus, their legs tangled together under the sheets. 

 

“Hey,” Remus replied, lacing his fingers with Sirius’s. Remus felt as if he could die happy for once, at peace with himself.

 

“Remus?-” A voice interrupted as the door opened, Remus sighed to himself, the voice was James. “Remus, oh wait- Sirius? Shit, man, sorry-I’ll leave,”  James shut the door behind him and there was a slight rustling noise as something was pushed underneath the door.

 

“That was certainly interesting,” Sirius laughed as he sat up, leaning on the headboard as he raked his fingers through his hair. 

 

“What did he gift us?” Remus asked as he looked up at Sirius, rubbing his eyes.

 

“A-uh condom,” Sirius said sheepishly as Remus sat up smiling.

 

“How kind of him,” Remus said tiredly as he gave the condom a mere glance before cupping Sirius’s face in his hands.

 

“Remus?” Sirius asked sounding uncertain, looking down.

 

“Yes?” Remus replied, brushing Sirius’s lips with his thumb.

 

“I-I’m sorry, just in advance because I know I’ll fuck up,”

 

“I trust you, Sirius,”

 

“I- I trust you too, Remus,”

 

Remus took off his shirt, while Sirius stared at his chest, mouth wide open.

 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sirius said, his face burning red, “I-I didn’t mean for us to, y’know, have sex,” 

 

Remus sat back, mentally cursing himself.

 

“Oh dear god, Sirius, I totally misread the situation,” Remus blurted as Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, tying the shoelaces on his boots.

 

Remus sighed as he momentarily put his face in his hands, before getting up and smiling sheepishly at Sirius. Remus could not believe that he had fucked up this bad, he had never fucked up this bad. 

 

“It’s fine, Remus, really,” Sirius said as he opened the door and pulled on his jacket.

 

“I lead you on and I’m sorry for that,” 

 

Remus smiled again at Sirius as the door shut before pulling out a cigarette to calm himself. But as soon as he heard the front door slam shut he felt tears dribble down his cheeks. Remus didn’t feel like heaving and pouring out his emotions. He just wanted to be happy for once.

 

So as Remus took a drag of his cigarette, he sat alone on his bed as tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. Sirius’s side still warm, the ghost of what used to be there.

And he felt empty, not sad, just empty.

 

The smoke filled the room, cigarette after cigarette. After sitting in silence for what felt like years, Remus pulled himself up off the bed and opened his window before clambering out to sit on the roof.

 

The roof was slippery from morning condensation and the sun was hiding behind the clouds, making everywhere seem grey and devoid of colours. It made Remus feel lonely, he was hoping a bit of sunshine would cheer him up. 

 

Amd just as Remus thought of it, the sun peeked through the clouds, making the world seem that little bit brighter. Remus smiled as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the morning air. 

 

He was going to make amends with Sirius, later perhaps, but at that moment Remus felt at peace with himself, it was just Remus and the universe. 

 

***

Sirius flopped onto the couch and ran a shaky hand through his hair. Letting out a breath he pulled a fag and a lighter from his pocket. He closed his eyes and took a drag.

 

“Those will kill you, you know,” Sirius didn’t open his eyes as he felt James join him on the couch. 

 

“Best way to go out in my opinion,” he replied monotonously. James huffed and took the fag from Sirius’ fingers. He opened the window behind them and chucked it out. Sirius gave him a half-hearted glare in turn. He sighed, “I fucked up, James,”

 

“Ah, lovers quarrel?” James laughed as Sirius sputtered. 

 

“How- it's not like that- he-"

 

“Don't get all flustered with me, Padfoot,” James turned his head and gave Sirius a mock grin.

 

“How’d you come up with that one?”

 

“Look,” he said, pointing to Sirius’ foot, that was bandaged after several fights that happened before he came to the Marauders. “Your foot is padded! Padfoot!” he said, waving his hands in front of Sirius’ foot as if presenting his feet. 

 

Sirius laughed and shook his head fondly.

 

“Mate, that one’s  _ awful _ ,” James snorted and laughed. 

 

“Eh, I’ve done worse, you don’t wanna know how we came up with Wormtail’s, the face bit was just a joke” Sirius smiled and ran his hand through his hair again. James gave Sirius a pointed look, “Tell me how you fucked up. Again, I might add,” 

 

Sirius bit his lip and looked down. He explained how he had finally kissed Remus, and how everything was seemingly perfect until the end. He told James that he knew it was his own fault for pushing Remus away and how he hated himself for it. He told James the reason why he couldn’t. He was afraid of accidentally starting to treat Remus like a client, and he couldn’t live with himself if he did. 

 

James pondered the information for a moment and then spoke.

 

“A few things: First, don’t blame yourself for not wanting to go any further, it’s not bad to not want to do anything,” He held up a hand to stop Sirius when he opened his mouth to intervene. “Second, Remus most likely does not hate nor blame you for walking away, he’s not like that. Third, don’t worry about anyone judging you here, you’re not the first Marauder to be a prostitute. And lastly, Remus will understand all of this, he’s a good guy,”

 

Sirius nodded and didn’t give warning before he practically threw himself into James. James laughed and hugged Sirius back. He mumbled a muffled thank you into James shoulder.

 

“No problem, mate, you’re a marauder, a brother now,” 

 

“What, I’m a marauder now that we’ve talked about boy trouble?” James snorted and laughed along with Sirius. 

 

“Nah, cause you’re one of us! Have been for a while,” Sirius thumped him on the back and pulled away. He was gonna go talk with Remus, and maybe things would actually be right for once.  


End file.
